‘She’s been gone a while now,’ mentions Finlee concernedly.
Koyan,
from his sitting place on a large stone, pushes more coals into the fireplace
with his barefoot. ‘How long?’
Finlee
considers the fingers on his scarred hand.
‘Thirty-six
days.’ He lays two fresh fish onto the fire, ‘Should we send someone to look
for her?’
‘We need
not.’
‘If she
doesn’t return, if we never see her again, how will we know whether or not she
has been returned to her family?’
Koyan thumbs
the blunt edge of a water patterned Damascus steel amulet. He gazes beyond the
fireplace into the rayless, lush, green rainforest that surrounds their
village, now obsidian.
≈
Realising I was floating again I willed
myself back onto my mat and reached across to pull the blanket tighter, I felt
coarse unfamiliar fabric. Disorientated, I woke in the middle of the night
inside a small wooden hut not tall enough for me to stand in. Confused, I
focused on faint firelight that was reflecting off a round piece of polished
metal by my feet to reveal a stone bowl of warm fragrant water beside me.
Floating on the water was a single white flower and a leaf holding a delicate
iron pin. I shuffled to the doorway of hanging bark threads and cautiously
stood up outside.
It was
nighttime. I was on a wooden platform in the trees just over two meters from
the ground and the forest was quiet, except for the strange silent hum that
humans create where they’ve colonised in large numbers. I realised then that I
was in a village with more people than before.
I gently
padded barefoot across a plankway towards the soft light and crackling sounds
of a fireplace somewhere below. I looked down to see a thin man with fair
shoulder length hair sharpening a long fishing spear while sitting opposite a
very old man with long silver hair. It was whom I would come to know as being
Finlee the fisherman and Koyan the village’s most respected elder. Koyan looked
up into the darkness where I was standing. I thought he couldn’t see me but
then realised my eyes might be reflecting light from the fire. For a second, I
wondered who had taken the axe I had been carrying and where it had gone but
sensing kindness in his round sun browned face and peaceful expression, I
slowly retreated and returned to the sleeping place I had woken in.
~
Golden lines
of light flashed and glowed, disappearing as quickly as they had appeared
across skies of pastel blue and purple, detailed with luminous blue patterns
like a dried up riverbed at sunrise.
Light rain
trickled and splashed around Que, falling from the leafy canopy above her. She
had arrived back in her village the previous afternoon but not yet returned to
its centre. Opening her eyes, a droplet of water fell onto her forehead before
she sat upright and looked around. It hadn’t been raining when she first snuck
here but now the green foliage of trees and plants surrounding her was
quivering and shimmering with trickling, bouncing, rainwater.
It was a far
cry from the hot sandy dunes her feet had been firmly planted in as she gazed
west, only ten days ago. She had braved the sight of low stone circles,
remnants of an unusually large nomadic tribe, to reach those warm dry waves.
Que heard a
loud and alarmed bird call as she raised herself from the humid forest floor,
she then hastened in the direction of the riverside village through the light
rain and across the muddy leaves underfoot, contemplating the way large and
wild forest cats could stalk through the rainforest, unaware they were passing
centimeters from Amacite hunters. Perhaps they mistook their moving eyes, all
the colours of the forest, for insects she thought.
Silently
passing a raven haired boy sitting solemnly with a giant carnivorous plant, Que
continued sprinting through the green rainforest over fallen branches and small
streams, balancing on rocks and dodging sharp and poisonous plants, flying
insects and climbers webs.
≈
At
halfway-grown I had lived in the Amacite village for several years. I quickly
learned to speak their dialect when it was realised that both our languages had
roots in a much older one understood by our great-grandparents; they called it
a Mother language. I was named Sunni after I wove reeds and branches to make a
carry-shade, despite the fact my deeply tanned skin could withstand the heat of
the fire circling us in the sky.
I embraced
the Amacites, enjoyed their food and observed their customs. Though I struggled
to adopt some of their beliefs, which seemed removed from the land. They talked
a lot about the sky and the lights of night beyond the heavy tree canopy, it reminded
me of the vast night sky of the desert across the curved horizon. I would often
climb onto the roof of the Long Hut in order to see more stars. I spent some
time on the riverbank with other women learning how to crush, grind and mix
food for different recipes. It wasn’t until I was offered raw fish to eat that
I realised I had not seen anyone cooking food over fire. I avoided many foods
at first, but soon hunger drove me to try it. They favoured wrapping portions
of different fruit, seed and nut combinations in leaves to be kept for many
days and some for long weeks. I also became adept at making ornate clay pots to
trade with tribes up river.
I was
appointed the task of helping to care for the two children of Chrifty the
wanderer, whose wife had died when birthing the twins. But when the youngest
son Luc fell into stinging nettles and suffered a rash for days, the children
were soon placed in the care of Jakyln, a mute painter with no partner. Jaklyn
let me paint with her sometimes, though once I fell very sick after tasting
some of the powder we mix with bird egg and water and it was decided I should
avoid painting.
It was
revealed in time that I was a good hunter, fast and agile. I learned how to
dissolve myself into the forest, hiding and stalking reptiles and small mammals,
but I was even better at setting traps for them. I often contemplated how to
catch a big cat and learned I could outlast one in pursuit, though I refrained
from returning one I named Odin to oblivion.
Maine, a boy
slightly older than me, was considered to be the village’s best young hunter.
He was teased when I upset his attempt to catch a large lizard and fell two
snakes from a tree with a vinerock sling I had made. The men teased I was a
rival, though he didn’t seem to hold it against me.
Aryamo was
one of the village’s best drummers and often performed with Yolanda who played
the kutiyapi and Rechk the woodcarver who also played a palendag very well. Yolanda
tried teaching me the kutiyapi but I struggled with remembering where to hold
my fingers upon the strings of its neck. ‘You have to watch where you’re aiming,’
she would say as I tried moving one finger without moving another.
Aryamo had
such affection for the forest that it enabled her to remember much about all of
its plants and she taught me much. In learning about the poisonous and
medicinal plants native to the area from her, we became close friends. We had a
special place on the cliffs where we liked to sit and gaze at the water of the
river sometimes. Aryamo liked to sing and would teach me different songs she
had already learned and tell me the stories attached to some of them. Aryamo
also taught me how to swim where the flying fish leap at sunset.
I spent more
time in the river, especially underwater, than anyone in the village. Many
joked that I must have lived under the sea, for it was in trying to explain the
desert that the old women jested I came from the sky and was born already small
but not as small as usual. They also said I had fallen from the sky safely into
the deep sea but had burned my skin as I passed the sun. They said that was why
I made the carry-shade and loved the water. They also laughed at this effort,
saying water reveals to the sun.
I walked to
the village Long Hut every day to eat with everyone else who lived in the
village, we always ate together before going our separate ways. I went fishing
with Finlee who, though he was so fair, reminded me of my older brother Lei. I
had taken a liking to Finlee because he could ride the water that I had not
seen in such quantity growing up wandering desert edges. Before I could speak
Amacite properly, I would climb into his boat and refuse to get off, jumping
into the river when people tried to remove me. They gave up trying to control
me and I became his work companion. He had very good balance and preferred to
stand up in the boat as we travelled up and down the river, trading with
neighboring tribes of which there were three riverside settlements up river. I
picked up other dialects very quickly and was good at translating hand signs
and other body language. I often nursed my carry shade and dangled my feet over
the edge into the water when I wasn’t using the oar. Finlee had a habit of
closing his eyes and turning his unusually pale skinned face to the sun, always
as if for the first time. It was Finlee who first told me about the Sea. He
said it was vast and appeared void like my desert but changed colours often and
harbored innumerable unknown creatures under its surface. He said that you
could sink down into it and become lost in its depths only to rise again,
unlike in the earth, which could bury you for all time. His notion of burial,
especially in death, scared me because I had been told as a child that we came
from the earth and I thought we were left to the sun and became like the wind.
The boys and
men were always going away to outside places, not only for hunting but to
accomplish customary tasks such as those given sometimes to younger boys as
they grew. There were secret rituals but the ones I knew of included having to
survive alone for days and nights on end, having their bodies scarred with hot
coals or pierced with splinters of wood, allowing themselves to be bitten by
insects and even eating poisonous plants that made some forget who they were. I
can’t understand their attraction to pain and blood as we experience it
regularly, though many rituals I believe are to impress us.
One man,
Tephio, became occupied with growing his own forest food ever since his
experience of eating a poisonous plant. He calls himself a gardener and has
impressed Koyan with his ability to produce a continuous supply of leafy greens
with edible leaves, climbing long beans, red peppers and different berries.
Tephio’s occasionally mocked for tending his patch of forest because he created
it in the treetops. He single handedly labored to cart soil up to a platform
that he also built, extending from his sleeping bungalow to nearby trees. Most
of Tephio’s plants grow beside their like but he is always changing combinations.
I admired the way he carefully dripped water among them, feeding his plants as
if he were nursing children. I once gave Tephio a plant from a village upstream
but it attracted little bugs so he soon removed it.
I was one of
the few females that were allowed far from the village, even without escort;
not that they would stop me when I wished to leave because I was adopted to
them. I was one of the tallest amoung the girls but Jelna was the strongest.
Jelna liked
eating Byu Nuts while building stonewalls in interesting patterns west of the
village. When trying to befriend Jelna I had helped her build one section of
wall. It had taken nearly all day, as we had to collect the stones from further
and further away. In the afternoon I thought to make a small fire and cook some
small grubs I had found. I liked them warm and crispy. Unfortunately, the fire
caught on to some wispy branches overhead and spread rather too quickly to a
wider area. I realised it had been many years since I’d seen the landscape on
fire and enjoyed gazing in awe at it burning all around me. Feeling the heat
soak through my skin deep into my bones, my reverie was broken by the alarmed
cries of the Amacites who flocked to beat back the flames with green branches.
The incident earned me dislike from the villagers but, though she would not
admit it, favour from Jelna as it more clearly revealed her maze of stones. I
left the village and explored the surrounding wilderness for several days after
that. It was the first of many excursions that increasingly stretched further
west as I attempted to rediscover my first home.
One morning
Aryamo woke me, it was our turn to gather supplies from the cool store in a
cliff cave beside the river. She liked it when it was her turn to fetch things
from the store because she could secretly taste some of the other foods there.
She said she liked food because it never told her nasty things like she was
dull. She challenged me to a footrace and I accepted enthusiastically, telling
her how silly it was to think she was dull. Tephio dropped a berry from his
treetop garden above and when it touched the ground, scaring a lizard sun
basking closeby, Aryamo and I sprinted off towards the cliff cave.
As Aryamo
and I weaved rapidly between the trees on the way to the store, Lephia, a
jovial and mischevious girl around my own age whom I admired fiercely for her
ability to draw with fire coals, pelted us with large Byu nutshells from the
treetop walkways above.
I beat
Aryamo to the store, but only after having knocked over the half stack of
gathered branches that was the village’s firewood supply. Barbuak was scoring
wood when he saw me do it and shook his head when I didn’t fix it up straight
away. He made it to the store in time to scold me as we walked out holding our baskets
of dried food. I promised I would gather extra wood for him that day but he
said he didn’t need my help and asked only that I stay away from him wherever
he went. It hurt me that his dislike for me seemed so deep and Aryamo sensed
it. She told me he was probably also upset about me alighting Jelna’s stones
and threatening the village. Aryamo said that her parents and most others
including Barbuak had moved to this village from another area before she was
born. Amacites liked to think of the forest as their cocoon since white fire,
deliberately lit by another tribe many generations ago, had driven them here.
~
Finlee is
standing as he guides the canoe through the water of the river with a straight
long branch.
‘I remember
burning people when they died,’ admitted Sunni.
Finlee
grimaced as he returned the steering pole to the side of the boat and lifted
the paddle.
‘You really
bury your people in the ground?’ pressed Sunni.
‘Like
leaves,’ said Finlee as he seated himself comfortably into the hull.
With subdued
horror, Sunni assesses the banks of the river on either side of them. A distant
memory floats into Sunni’s mind, pulling a skull from the sand. She shivers.
‘It’s
alright,’ said Finlee, misinterpreting her reaction.
Sunni didn’t
feel like sharing the memory of that strange discovery at that moment, nor the
fleeting memory that followed of a giant beside a polished stone path.
Water laps
the sides of the boat as Finlee begins to row. Waves ripple across the water,
away from the boat.
Birds
chatter and insects chirrup in the forest around them.
Sunni
fidgets with the ties on a bundle of stone bowls in the middle of the boat
between them.
‘If we are
made of earth and water, like stones,’ began Sunni tapping her teeth with her
nails, ‘and like plants,’ she continued, brushing a length of hair, ‘then what
is earth and water made of?’
Finlee dips
a hand into the water and wets his brow.
‘Earth is made of earth and water is made of water.’
‘A byu nut
isn’t made of byu nut, a fish isn’t made of fish, a Finlee isn’t made of
Finlee…’
‘I never
thought of it like that before.’
Sunni drops
a foot into the water and looks up at the sky. ‘Maybe wind?’
Finlee is
surprised, ‘What makes you think that?’
‘If I have
wooden bones, earthen skin, fire in my eyes and water in my lines,’ ponders
Sunni gently stroking the underside of her wrist, ‘where is the air? If I
breathe it in, it must go somewhere else, all through me. I must be made of air
too but I just can’t see it.’
‘So,’ said Finlee, ‘You think our forest and
this river is made of air too, how much air? Enough to be a vision, a dream?
Are you dreaming Sunni?’ he teases.
Sunni smiles
and looks away, she contemplates the complexity of the forest around her
seething with layers of plants, animals and insects living with one another.
She pictures details in her mind; fragments of flora, leaves, flowers,
feathers, fur, sand and soils, roots and limbs of plants, organs of insects,
legs, fangs, shells and wings. ‘I don’t know,’ replies Sunni.
‘You are here,’ reassures Finlee, ‘for now,’ he smiles.
A yellow
honey bee circles Sunni’s head.
‘Must think
that your feather is a flower,’ commented Finlee.
From
the back of her hair, Sunni pulled out a long black feather with a yellow patch
on it and held it up in front of her. Its wispy fronds quivered in the breeze
as the bee circled.
Sunni
was reminded of Pretty Shield’s golden hair, as fair as Finlee’s, and the strange
way it had turned to black. She remembered the pure black eyes of all the Tekah
Ahn that she had not inherited.
Looking into
the bee’s black eyes she said, ‘No, I think he knows what he’s looking at.’
Sunni casts
her gaze to the water, just in time to glance a large pygmy snapper swimming
close to the surface of the water beside the boat.
‘It’s an
Aha-an,’ exclaimed Finlee, ‘I’ve never seen one that size before.’
‘Shall we
catch it?’
‘No, it’s
probably a mother fish.’
Sunnie
becomes solemn.
‘Sunni?’
≈
At night
most people would sit inside the Long Hut, taking turns to sing, dance and act
out stories in the light of the fire. Koyan was wearing a large shaggy stringy
coat and headpiece of animal feathers and fur. He often wore more adornments
than the shaman Aigel from my first family but, although Koyan seemed to
possess secret knowledge too, he was less mysterious in an unnerving way. He
liked to tell stories and spoke of travelling through space like Aigel, but he
didn’t do much healing, that was the place of Handi. It took me a while to
realise the Amacites rarely suffered illnesses.
For myself,
migraines and fevers I had regularly as a child had long disappeared. When I
realised my anxious feelings had lifted and my thoughts were becoming clearer,
I contemplated the food we were eating and the nature of the people around me
who were quick to laugh at quarrels and forgive mistakes.
This night outside
the Long Hut, Perssu was gently fending off the jumping-two-legs curiously sniffing
the evening’s meal leftovers that were sitting beside a few children playing
with stones by the edge of the light. Perssu was a lovely woman who often
wandered alone through the forest and had several birds and small mammals that
would come close to her as she sat peacefully by the riverbank. She also had a
small furry creature with pointy ears and nose and white spots that would visit
her at dusk where she slept.
Inside the
Long Hut, Jaklyn was dancing with all the children. I could see Finlee was
resting against a buttress close beside Yolanda as she gently strummed the
kutiyapi. In front of them was Maine, sitting beside his proud mother and
father who had been attempting to match him with Yolanda. Maine’s mother and
father doted on him incessantly, showering him with compliments.
Maine was
considered the most desirable young man in the village at the time for his
hunting skills but Yolanda took little interest in him. Maybe because Yolanda
wasn’t fawning on him, Maine was looking around and caught sight of me
wandering off that night holding a burning stick I’d pulled from the edge of
the fire. I wasn’t aware of the cruel happiness his fruitless moment gave me
until our eyes met; then I immediately felt guilty.
I noticed
Chrifty’s children watch me leave with curiosity, but I knew they wouldn’t
follow me as they were young enough to be scared of story time creatures that
liked to eat lost children and babies from pregnant Mother’s bellies.
As I rounded
the corner I lit a rolled leaf from another village I’d hidden in my bundled up
hair and drew in the fragrant smoke. I climbed onto the second small roof that
covered the hole in the main roof, leaving a gap for energies to enter and exit
during ceremonies. I butted the last of the burning leaf on my tongue so as not
to set the roof alight. I waited patiently for a large tarantula to finish
crossing over the place where I wanted to lay my head down before quietly
relaxing to watch my body heat shimmer against the cold, dark night air.
Stars
reminded me of firelight from the interior of shelters when seen from a
distance through the forest at night. I once heard Koyan saying there were
places like ours, drifting in the black sky beyond our blue sky with the sun
setting their faces aglow in the night. I liked his stories.
At this
moment I first saw the second star, beside the moon. It was larger than all the
other stars in the sky.
I sat up as
a shiver of apprehension ran through my body, around my ears and into my head
like a prickly warm chill. Without thinking, I stood up. My weight was too much
for the roof to bear and I fell through. By the back of my leg, I was dangling
from a wooden beam as a chunk of roof landed beside Koyan. Another piece fell
into the fire and the flames flared; all the better for everyone to see what I
had done. I grabbed another beam for support as Koyan stopped dancing and looked
up. Up, at and beyond me.
Maine jumped
to his feet to catch me but I swung to the lower ceiling and ran off into the
forest before Koyan’s words could reach my ears.
My head
ached as I ran through the cold trying to guess what punishment I would receive
for breaking the sacred roof of the Long Hut.
Maine
stepped forward as if to follow me but Lenshu was at the open way when I fell
and as I passed him he ran after me.
When I
finally took my hands off my ears I heard Lenshu’s voice calling me. ‘Sunni!
Sunni! Stop! Come back! You’re not in trouble!’
I slowed
down to a fast walk but kept moving. It was getting difficult for Lenshu to see
as the moon slipped behind clouds, making the forest away from the village
everywhere black.
‘Sunni,’ he
implored. ‘Where are you going?’
‘Koyan’s
going to kill me!’
Lenshu
laughed loudly as he caught his breath from sprinting after me.
‘Koyan
wouldn’t hurt an ant! Sunni…’
‘Sunni? My
name’s Que!’ I spat as he reached my heel.
‘So you did
have a name…’
Another
figure came running up, it was Aryamo.
‘Are you
okay!?’ called Aryamo sounding concerned as she now stood beside Lenshu. ‘I
heard you fell.’
‘Yeah, I broke
through the roof. I’m always wrecking things because I don’t really belong
here!’ I wailed.
‘What are
you talking about?’ said Aryamo.
‘This is a
sure sign I don’t really belong here, look what I’ve done now!’
Aryamo and Lenshu
stood silent in the darkness. I couldn’t see their expressions as I sobbed, ‘I
can’t take care of anyone, not children, not even plants. I nearly burned down
the village and I probably -’
‘You don’t
seem to make the same mistakes twice,’ interrupted Lenshu.
Taken aback
momentarily, I pressed on. ‘Whatever, now I’ve destroyed the Long Hut,’ I grieved.
‘So come
back and help fix it,’ said Aryamo.
‘You’re an
Amacite Sunni-Que,’ implored Lenshu quietly, ‘You belong here.’ Lenshu bowed
his head, ‘You do belong here,’ I heard him say in a strange sad tone of voice.
Lenshu began
to step away, then turned and began heading back towards the village firelight.
Do I really belong here? I asked myself.
‘Do you
want to talk?’ asked Aryamo gently.
‘Give
me a moment, I’m sorry,’ I replied. Aryamo turned to follow Lenshu and leave me
alone with my thoughts. I sat where I stood and began to sweep the leaves and
dirt around me over my legs with my hands. I missed the warm sand enveloping me
like dry water.
Lenshu’s
voice came unexpectedly, through the dark, ‘You know, we are on better terms
with our neighbors now, because of you.’
How does that help me? I thought
bitterly, selfishly.
‘Who cares,’
I groaned.
Aryamo and
Lenshu’s retreating silhouettes grew smaller in the light from the village.
‘Come back and sing with us when you’re ready,’ called Aryamo.
‘You have a
good voice,’ said Lenshu, just loud enough for me to hear.
I sat there
alone for a long while, embarrassed, stunned, angry, and flattered; trying to
think where I might have been overheard by Lenshu -perhaps when I was with
Aryamo at the cliffs.
'And dance,' said Aryamo, 'you have to dance,' she teased, knowing I would rather fling myself into a patch of bladegrass. I hugged my legs to my chest, reluctantly smiling.
'And dance,' said Aryamo, 'you have to dance,' she teased, knowing I would rather fling myself into a patch of bladegrass. I hugged my legs to my chest, reluctantly smiling.
I
felt something in the folds of my clothes, it was the bluestone I has pried
from the rock in the desert under the bloodwood all those years ago. I rubbed
it between my fingers, seeking comfort in some memory of an other place where I
really belonged. When I accepted I couldn’t go back, I realised I didn’t want
to anyway. My family and others had blamed and branded me, I would only have
come to further harm if I had stayed with them. This place was good, the people
were patient and kind. They didn't just put up with me, they understood me. Lenshu was
right, I tried not to make the same mistakes again…I felt perhaps I was
becoming a better human, whatever a human was. And here, the land was more alive. It made me feel more wakeful just because I had to be too, to take it all in.
I felt the
bark of the tree behind me gently, in case a lizard or spider was resting there,
and found a little nook in the bark. I tucked the blue stone under the skin of
the tree for its keeping and fell asleep to the sound of harmonious voices. I let
the feeling of joy by firelight in the Long Hut bury
the memory of the blue stone turning amber in the sunlight moments before the
Makundei came and killed Pretty Shield, Utnap, Firfth and Escha.
I had fallen asleep beside a stack of wood and was woken the next day by a trembling in the earth that made some branches tumble onto me. Before returning
to the village, I gathered some fallen branches and placed them on the woodstack
for Barbuak. I also found some special plants amid a group of young tree
saplings and carefully harvested the seeds in a way Aryamo had taught me, so
that I could give the seeds to Tephio for his garden. I skipped past the Long
Hut and along the river in search of Koyan. The water had disappeared. I could
see all the fish swimming as if floating through the air and the water plants
waving as if in the wind. I watched a fish change its colours to blend into its
environment and could clearly a
salamander with a missing arm in the dead still water.
I felt
another tremor through the soles of my feet. A tree beside me disappeared
momentarily. I saw the deep earth and the creatures and insects that lived
nestled against its invisible roots. I feared for their safety.
Darkness
came as an unnatural shadow fell over the riverside area. I momentarily felt
the ground vanish beneath my feet. My stomach lurched in the way it did when a
tree top walkway unexpectedly bounced underfoot. I heard the astonished gasps
of other people behind me, looked northeast and stumbled backwards, recoiling
in alarm. A heavy grey cloud, an enormous plume of ash, was blooming into the
morning sky.
I sensed
someone beside me, it was Lenshu. When I didn’t move, he stood in front of me
and motioned as if to take my hand but didn’t.
‘Sunni, are
you okay? Come inside.’
Daring to
blink, I walked beside him towards the Long Hut. I continued to stare at the
towering cloud as I tried to gauge whether it was approaching. Men, women and
children milled around talking to one another and looking to the cloudy sky.
Inside the Long Hut, people were pouring in from every direction. As Lenshu and
I approached, I painfully glanced the broken roof and fretted how Koyan was
interpreting this coincidence.
With Lenshu,
I sat quietly crouched against a wall trying to slow my beating heart with my
breath. I could see Aryamo hugging Lephia as I felt Lenshu beside me. The
warmth from his arm was seeping through my clothes to warm my own arm. I hoped
no thing would take him away.
Lenshu and I
listened to the adults talking in hushed tones, it was making me sickly
anxious. A group of young men were being gathered. Barbuak, Rechk and Finlee,
Tephio and Chrifty, stood listening tentatively to Koyan who was talking very
fast. Chrifty seemed to have a lot to say to everyone too.
Soon Finlee
broke away from the group and approached us. ‘The river has ceased to flow,’
began Finlee kneeling in front of us, ‘and there is smoke rising on the
horizon. Lenshu, we need you to run ahead to Kilmaro.’
My heart
stopped. Kilmaro was the closest and highest mountain southeast of where we
lived in the direction of the sun rise. It would take him the greater part of
the day to make it to the lookout reserved for initiations. If he made it there
safely he would have to stay overnight or risk a dangerous descent in the dark.
And all the while, there would be wild animals to contend with. Alone, no one
could watch over his sleeping body.
‘If you go
now, you may make it to the peak and descend to the jutting shelf before
nightfall where we will be waiting for you. You can stay there the night and
Tephio and Maine will run from there, to inform Koyan here.’
Rechk came
up beside Finlee, ‘Koyan will speak with him now.’
‘Come,’
motioned Finlee to Lenshu.
Finlee held
his hand on my shoulder as Lenshu followed Rechk away.
‘I’m a
better runner than Lenshu,’ I said hotly, slightly confused because my being a
female had never bothered any of them or made them stop me doing anything I
wanted. I tried to spy Maine so I might direct some of my jealous anger at him,
but he was nowhere in sight.
‘Sunni,
we need you here,’ said Finlee quietly, looking to the younger children and
women who were visibly afraid. His way of telling me what it was best for me to
do, without directly telling me to do it, sparked a memory of my brother and
strangely, Pretty Shield with blood on her hands. I knew I could not do what I
wanted to do, I squeezed my hands into fists and grit my teeth. Finlee waited
for me to respond but I busied myself looking for Maine, I still couldn’t see
him. I knew Finlee was suggesting I was more capable of helping by protecting
them at home, but I wouldn’t hear it. I wanted to run. I had spent much time
wandering, alone with the wilderness. I didn’t fear open space, just empty
space. I thought running ahead would help protect those I had come to love.
Koyan looked
around at me. My muscles tensed and my face burned.
‘Koyan is
asking this of you…’ said Finlee quietly.
Finlee rejoined
the group and as they resumed talking I shuffled to the edge of the low wall
running around the hut, stooped low, turned and ducked outside.
The
commotion of the conversing villagers fell behind me as I broke into a run
towards my special place on the cliffs overlooking the river. I contemplated
how long it would take me to run to Kilmaro and back, whether I should run
ahead. The fear of losing the Amacites protection should I fail in going my own
way and the realisation I had allowed myself to be bound by the words of the
men, fed an unsettling and indirectable anger inside me.
Maine was at
the cliff edge, holding something up to the light. He looked as surprised to
see me, as I was to see him. He quickly lowered his hand and I noticed he kept
it balled up in a fist.
Looking
across the river in the direction of Kilmaro, I asked ‘What are you doing up
here?’
‘What do you
do up here?’ he retorted, opening his palm and casually turning a bluestone
over in his hand.
‘What are
you doing with this?’ I asked quickly seizing the stone from Maine’s hand. The
stone I had taken to hold in memory of my first tribe, I tried to remember
removing it from my clothing. Last night, I remembered hazily.
‘Is it
yours?’ he demanded, ‘what does it do!?’
He watched
intensely as I stood with the stone in hand.
‘It
doesn’t do anything! It’s just a rock!’ I explained exasperatedly,
‘How did you
put the insect inside?’
I was
confused.
‘The bee,
inside.’
I shrugged,
‘I didn’t. It was already there when I found it.’
‘Then throw
it away!’ he challenged.
‘What
are you doing with this?’ I repeated.
‘The river
stopped after I washed it in the water!’ he cried as he launched at me, clawing
for my hand. ‘After you destroyed the Long Hut!’
I twisted
away from him. ‘Stop it! Are you crazy!? That doesn’t mean anything, let go!’
‘Why do you
keep it anyway?’ he pressed.
‘What are
you talking about?’ I pushed him away from me as he tried to snatch it from my
hand yet again.
‘Were you trying
to put a jinkx on Barbuak? An eye?’
I froze, ‘What
things are you talking about? Maine…’
‘An invocation,
like what Koyan does. You put that in Barbuak’s tree deliberately…why?’
‘No, it’s
not like that Maine…I don’t understand what you’re thinking.’
‘If it’s so
special to you, why place it there?’
I shook my
head and shrugged, speechless, baffled.
‘I’ve seen
you with it, alot. It means something to you, what are you doing with it?’
‘You’ve been
watching me? A lot?’
Maine
flooded me with questions, swiping at my hand again. ‘Where do you go for such
long times off alone in the forest? Why do you talk to the animals and hold
this to the light? What ritual is that? Did you put that bee inside? Why would
you trap a creature like that?’
‘You’re
scaring me, get away,’ I said turning to run.
He grabbed
my hand and spun me around, I shoved him away.
Maine
stumbled and lost his footing. I realised how close we were to the edge of the
cliff, I tried to grab his hand as his expression changed from anger to fear.
Knowing there were rocks in the water directly below us, I dropped the stone to
grab his shoulder and pull him towards myself.
‘Maine,
careful you’ll fall!’ I said.
‘No, you be
careful!’ he said resuming his angry expression and pushing me away. I stumbled
backwards and lost my footing at the edge, I slipped and found myself halfway
over with a toehold below me. I tried to keep my arms out on the flat to
counter my own weight dragging me down.
Slipping, I
cried out, my face pressed against the ground, rough stone grating my cheek.
‘Maine! Grab me!’
I heard no
movement.
‘Ano mali sa iyo? Makakatulong sa akin!’ I raged
into the dust.
‘How dare
you curse me!’ yelled Maine sounding a little frightened.
I thought I
heard him take a step as the toehold I had gave way.
I screamed,
clawing at the dirt and finding some loose ones to throw at him while I
simultaneously used my legs to push myself away from the edge out into space. I
allowed myself to free fall clear of the cliff towards the water below and
waited for the blow of solid rock.
I hit the
water hard, but I was too beside myself to feel it. I missed the rocks and
surfaced unharmed. While gasping for air, I saw Maine’s face on the cliff above
watching me.
‘Tanga!!’
I cursed after him, ‘Hindi ko makakalimutan ito! Magbabayad ka sa
ginawa mo!’ The old language gurgled in my throat like bubbles from boiling water.
He turned,
hands over his ears and vanished.
I began to
swim towards the shallow bank on the opposite side of the river rather than
attempt to climb a vertical cliff face. Finlee was right, the water had stopped
flowing. There was no current to fight and I could make out grass and tree
branches in the water below. It was a little unnerving to be floating over this
strange new landscape, I could feel my pulse quickening. When I saw a very
large fish dart off as a large eel appeared, I quickened my stroke through the
water to reach the bank. Pushing aside the giant lily pads that tend to grow on
the river’s quiet edge, a memory drifts to mind of seeing Lenshu floating on
them in the sun, followed by a daydream of floating beside him. I pulled myself
through rotting branches onto a muddy bank. I collapsed on the bank to catch my
breath and dreamed of ways to punish Maine. I noticed a hot plant growing
nearby and carefully plucked several leaves angrily. I promised myself I would
lace Maine’s soup and washing-leaves with the hottest seed powder I could make
as soon as possible. Turning, I began to make out grey clouds in the sky
through the leafy canopy directly above me. If
he returns, resounded an uncomfortable afterthought. I let go of the
leaves.
I shivered
as I remembered the blooming cloud and the faces of everyone at the Long Hut,
and Lenshu.
Picking
myself up, I made my way to higher ground with feet of clay and whilst wringing
excess water from the hem of my dress. In the sodden folds of cloth at my hip,
I felt a small lump amongst the gathered grit. I took out a small pale stone.
In the light I saw pale fog and flashes of blue purple light.
Confused
about Maine and the blue amber, I began to walk downstream through the forest,
intending to cross over at a narrow part of the river.
When the
village was in sight, I leapt back into a narrow part of the river where there
was mostly tree leaves covering the bottom. As I carved my way through the
water I was astounded to notice tiny grey particles of ash were beginning to
float down from the sky around me. I emerged from the river close to the Long
Hut, beside Finlee’s boat.
Standing
on the bank, I curiously raised my hands in front of me so as to better observe
the wispy soot dissolving on my wet skin.
